you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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