im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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