never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
