There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
