You just made me feel so damn special
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
