but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
