Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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