I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
