Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
