Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
