don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
