I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
dude. I can hear the air.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
