apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
