I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
