I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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