I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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