you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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