last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
