Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
