She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
