i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
