hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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