No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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