Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
