Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
