morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
