i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
