Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
