Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
