Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
