Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
