i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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