never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
