She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
