Banned from zoo.
Again?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
