I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
