I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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