bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
