How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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