My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
