i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
