I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
