That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
