I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
then he tried to convert me to islam
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
