apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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