im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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