Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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