sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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