I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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