The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you didnt know i had herpes?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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