i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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