Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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