Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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