I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
