All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
