***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I supernannyed him into submission
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
