i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
