Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
