we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
