btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
