Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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