Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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