before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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