I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
