Banned from zoo.
Again?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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