She went from zero to smokin in five shots
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
