i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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