Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
