im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
