break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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