Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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