I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
