If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
