i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love you. Go after that dick
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
