maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
false alarm, still single
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