Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
