i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
