I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
