you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
