I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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