So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
