You're completely useless in the revolution.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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