Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
