you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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