i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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