i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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